


Press F For Humans

by Quill18



Series: Rogue Seeker [4]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers: Prime
Genre: Comedy, Fan Continuity, Gen, Memes, Soundwave being creepy, Transhumanism, hexbolt has bugsnax drones, owospeak, skywarp talks in owospeak, soundwave is confused, soundwave owns furbies, soundwave runs doom, starscream is an asshole, the smoothie ostrich meme, what color was the dress, william lennox suffers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 11:29:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28544859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quill18/pseuds/Quill18
Summary: Three hundred years later and after being accidentally being freed from the Shadowzone by a rebuilt Starscream, Soundwave has settled into NEST base and is now baffled by human memes.---Side-stories and one-shots of Rogue Seeker during the NEST base and the Aegis arcs revolving around memes. Related to the main storyline, but not the actual main fic.This is a fan continuity, canon has been taken out back and shot.
Relationships: Skywarp and William Lennox, William Lennox & Laserbeak
Series: Rogue Seeker [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909069
Kudos: 9





	1. The Fryder Swarm

**Author's Note:**

> Hexbolt is an uploaded human mind that inhabits a series of drone bodies. Including unusual ones.

[ _Fic Tumblr and Ask/Rp blog_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

[ _Timeline Page_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

\--

Soundwave was...very very confused.

Before zir, was William Lennox leaned back in his chair, fueling with that organic liquid called coffee. It was like engex, but for humans. And not charged and glowing blue.

Hexbolt's gargoyle frame was lifeless as it laid on another table, its organiclike optics was rolled back, limbs limp and dead as wires trailed from its head to the data rig in front of William Lennox.

Instead of the human's usual exasperated gestures and annoyance, he calmly sipped at his fuel as he scrolled through the holo-screen before him. Lennox’ organic digits tapped at the keyboard plugged into the data rig. 

His blue eyes flicked over to Soundwave and then back to the screen before him.

Around William Lennox, a small swarm of drones looked at the human inquisitively, its legs were shaped like the human fuel known as french fries and they looked disconcertingly similar to insecticons, just much smaller.

> Each drone was the size of a human helm and the swarm skittered away as Soundwave strode closer. Ze hunched over in the mess hall, the building being meant for sparkling-sized humans, the high ceiling made it doable to go through for a mech zir size. 

The wide spaces between tables made the whole experience tolerable. 

"William Lennox: Status?" Soundwave rumbled out of zir speakers. 

The little french fry swarm started to crawl under the table uttering small cries of "fryder fryder."

"M fine. Nothing much to note, Soundwave." William Lennox said, voice entirely too calm for the human. Behind zir mask, Soundwave's optics narrowed.

Ze pointed to Hexbolt's gargoyle frame. "Hexbolt: Status? Hurt?"

William Lennox shook his head.

"Nope, the opposite of it!"

The swarm all skittered close to the human, one drone threatened to dip its leg into the fuel and Will jerked back his coffee as fuel sprayed everywhere. "No! No, I'm not telling zir. You can tell zir yourself!"

The drones silently leered at William Lennox in contempt with little beady eyes.

"I'm not getting involved in your family drama! Bad enough you already made me their psuedo-trine member! Nope, nope, nope!"

William Lennox stuck his organic digits into his audials and turned around. "La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la!!"

The swarm's french fry legs flopped down.

Soundwave crouched down on all fours and tilted zir helm at William Lennox. "William Lennox: explain."

The human did not heed him and continued to shout LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA but unstuck one digit out of his ear to grab his mug. 

He just continued to sip his coffee in between his LA LA LA LA LAs.

"Can't touch me! That'll count as man-handling and violating the treaties!!!" William Lennox said in a sing-song voice.

"Hexbolt: my child. STATUS?" Soundwave boomed.

The human sighed and put his mug down.

The swarm looked very put upon.

"Christ, I guess I would be demanding the same, if I came across Anna's body like-" William Lennox waved across at Hexbolt's lifeless frame.

Primus.

The drone swarm that backed away from Soundwave, the gargoyle body that was plugged into the data rig. The realization smashed into Soundwave like asteroids hitting the Nemesis.

"Yeah, human frame is part of a drone swarm-" Soundwave replayed Hexbolt's words from days earlier.

"French fry insecticons." Soundwave said.

"Hexbolt: French fry insecticons."

"Congrats, Hex. You broke Soundwave's processors. You two have fun dealing with this."

William Lennox chugged back his organic fuel, slammed down the ceramic mug, and jogged out of the mess hall.

"What?! You can't leave me like this! Don't leave me with Soundwave alone!!"

The little swarm of french fry insecticons chittered and ran after William Lennox.

Soundwave's data cable whipped out and shut the door before the food swarm could scamper out.

"No. Hexbolt: Explain."

The little beady eyes all glared at zir.

"Kinda bug, kinda snack. Not much to say, really."

If Soundwave was organic, zir optics would be twitching at this point.

"Form: irrational."

"I'm human: it comes with the species."

"No one forced you to adopt humans."

"Little ones: in need."

The swarm said nothing and just crept on the walls. The little beady eyes eyed the vent above them. Soundwave's other data cable blocked it.

Ze noted that their gargoyle frame wasn't plugged into any power source and the data rig wasn't either. Soundwave kneeled down. Power was at 85 percent. Acceptable.

Soundwave noticed the swarm became very still as ze examined their lifeless frame and rig.

"Hey, what are you doing?!"

Time to get answers the usual way.

Ze gently lifted up the gargoyle body and the data rig in zir digits, careful not to tangle any of the cables.

"What! No! That's mine! Give it back!" The swarm skittered closer, though cautious of being stepped on. Soundwave merely cradled the body and rig closer to zir chassis.

"Frame: Needs to be watched over."

In the voice of many little bodies, "THIS WHOLE BASE IS WIRED TO MY NERVOUS SYSTEM, I'M FINE!"

Soundwave checked zir wave-detection. Interesting, there was a radio signal coming from the data rig, amplifying the consciousness from the gargoyle frame that was plugged into the rig. 

Ze could track all the little bodies Hexbolt was currently controlling.

"Hexbolt: Signal-tethered to frame and rig in my grip. Follow."

And with that the french fry insecticons angrily chirped as Soundwave strode out of the mess hall.

-end-


	2. Conflicted Mind, Networked Bodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Starscream decides to go bother Hexbolt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: Starscream and Soundwave not respecting boundaries, darker one-shot, compared to the rest of the entries in this collection, body weirdness, slight body horror (mention) 
> 
> Note: This takes place in the NEST base arc of Rogue Seeker before Skywarp and co. show up. Hexbolt is an OC, an uploaded human mind who inhabits a network of drone bodies and fought against the Autobots in the Invasion three centuries prior.

[ _Fic Tumblr and Ask/Rp blog_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

[ _Timeline Page_](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

_\---_

“Fascinating, this plethora of bodies.”

Starscream grinned and commented as kha purveyed Dr.Hex’s collection of drones with gleaming optics. It wasn’t hard to get into the old workshop, after all Starscream was former SIC of the Decepticons and sparkbonded to khyr ship, The Nemesis, kha had bypass codes for all of nir chambers.

The Organic Intelligence, Hexbolt and NEST had moved into the ship centuries prior, but their inferior tech hadn’t unlocked most of the locked rooms. Still, their…occupation was enough that places like this drone workshop now existed.

Kha holographic crest pricked up in interest.

There was the near-human replicant frame, winged and tailed. It was curled in a nest of blankets and pillows on a shelf-loft with human-sized tools, furniture and living quarters with a small kitchenette and a bathing area. It’s breathing was shallow and slow. Starscream took a mild note on the differing scales that the Organic Intelligence used for their differing sized bodies

Tucked away into shelves and cubbies on the shelf-loft was the smaller frames. Kha sneered at the drones in the shape of organic Terran insecticons and fictional ones like the creepy food insecticons from _Bugsnax._ Artificial birds and small mammals stared at khyr with dead eyes. _  
_

On the wall above the sleeping replicant, was the unmoving Kafka-esque drone, in the visage of an Earth roach, its wings crowned with a human face.

Starscream’s holographic feathers flattened against khyr helm in disgust and kha swept khyr holo tail feathers over the roach drone in reflex. _  
_

**_[Starscream: Explain presence._ ** _**]**  
_

Soundwave’s private message burned in the lower right corner of khyr HUD. _  
_

Starscream spunned on khyr heel and looked in the darkest corner of the workshop. Ah, there.

Soundwave, keeping sentinel. Zir pigment nanites had shifted to be pitch-black and zir biolights was off. Ze was nothing but a mech-sized silhouette, their visor flashed in the darkness.

**_[I just need to ask them something, Soundwave. Nothing to worry your pretty helm over.]_ **

Soundwave didn’t reply, but kha could tell they were recording.

Starscream shook khyr helm and turned around. Kha paid zir no heed, let zir go back to being the silent one.

The network was silent, each drone body had empty eyes and dim optics.

Starscream wasn’t sure if anyone was home.

Just because the near-human replicant was breathing, didn’t mean there was a mind to pilot it.

Soundwave’s presence had a way of ensuring that Hex wasn’t around, let alone in what was their private quarters.

There was only one way to find out.

Starscream picked khyr way past several old mechframes, while Soundwave’s helm slowly turned to watch khyr movements.

Sitting against the wall was an old familiar drone frame, it leaned against the wall, its four hands clasped in its lap as its legs were outstretched before it.

“Ah, I remember this one. The satellite-former that my darling Skywarp once built, based off that ancient extinct codeline. You used to own this as a drone, Soundwave.”

Ze did the barest of nods.

Khyr talons reached out to caress the side of the helm. Kha remembered Skywarp craving violence and metal to grow that frame.

It’s faceless visor flashed and its engines rumbled and its vocalizer crackled. **  
**

**DESIST**

The frame boomed out, sounding exactly like Soundwave when angered.

In the corner, Soundwave’s data cable unfurled.

In a flash, the Satellite frame leapt to its feet and slapped the data cable away, its own talons glinted.

**DESIST**

“Ah, so someone is home!” Starscream smirked, khyr own denta flashed in the dim lighting.

“You’re an ass. The hell you want!? I was sleeping.” Hexbolt said.

“Ah, is that anyway to speak to your elders? After how I settled the status issues between you and Soundwave here?”

Hexbolt turned on their heel and tilted its helm, EM field tense and tight against their frame.

Starscream just cackled.

“You really are like Soundwave, even moving your helm like zir.”

Hex just flexed their claws. “ Yeah and without me, you wouldn’t even be awake with a working body. I doubt you came here to compare the two of us. What is it?”

Soundwave nodded in approval in the background.

Starscream knelt down and picked up the toaster body from its cubby on the shelf-loft. It warbled in annoyance. “I see this little one’s currently connected.”

The toaster pouted on its screen.

Its little nubby legs flailed.

Soundwave’s data cable snaked its way from zir corner to the back of Starscream’s neck, kha could hear the slow spin of its tines whir menacingly.

Heh.

Hex folded their arms, all four of them, and silently watched, the visor had the recording mark. No doubt they were studying the dynamics between khyr and their adopted parent.

Starscream gently ran khyr talons over the toaster body and handed Hexbolt’s small drone body to the satellite frame. Handing them back to themself. The toaster warbled in appreciation at being back with theirself.

Soundwave’s threat didn’t relent.

Behind a giant isopod body, several [fryder](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fbugsnax.fandom.com%2Fwiki%2FFryder&t=ZWI2Njk5NjViNzBkZjE2MjVmOGFlNzQ0NTZmNDlmODdkMWNhZTY1MSxJTFllMG55Tw%3D%3D&b=t%3AVCfDyoWbf2E2FKlMoZG3yg&p=https%3A%2F%2Frogue-seeker.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F638373156590059520%2Ffile-mind-conflicted-networked-bodies&m=1&ts=1609739268) drones watched warily. Kha reached out for them and they skittered underneath.

Another data cable reached out, this one aimed for the base of khyr helm, the tines on this data cable spun even faster.

The old satellite frame ex-vented as the toaster body wriggled itself free. It nubbled its way over to Soundwave, who picked it up with gentle spindly digits.

It chirruped happily.

The satellite frame’s claws started to crackle.

“Both of you get out. I went to sleep. Alone for a reason.” Hexbolt turned to look at Soundwave, both faceless visors stared straight at each other.

The toaster whined sadly.

Both satellite-mech and toaster eyed each other, a silent battle of wills.

Starscream chuckled.

“Mind conflicted, aren’t you? A part of you wishes to stay with Soundwave and recharge like a good sparkling, the rest of you is determined to stay independent and free of flock and adopted creator.”

Whirring tines started to slow.

Soundwave’s grip on the toaster tightened and the toaster nestled in zir grip.

The satellite frame backed away from both of them and turned their back on both of them.

“Out.”

The toaster beeped.

“Yes, that includes you!”

Hexbolt’s satellite frame looked over their shoulder. “Well?”

Soundwave nodded, and zir data cables withdrew back into zir now glowing frame. Ze picked up the toaster to its helm and it nuzzled the Voidwing’s chin.

Soundwave stalked out the doorway, zir e-m field flickered happily.

“Fascinating. With your network, both your wishes came true. Independence and a good snuggle.” Starscream laughed.

“I told you to leave.”

“Ah, I need a favor of you.”

“Right, when you harassed me awake.” Starscream purred and khyr tone became silky.

“It’s for science.”

Hexbolt’s turned around and leaned against the wall, arms crossed and right leg planted on the wall behind them. Their faceless helm cocked in interest.

“Okay, you bastard, I’m listening.”

“This frame, you built. ” Khyr claws swept over khyr frame. “It’s flawed.”

Hexbolt sagged a little as they hunched over and their most outer two arms tapped their claws against the wall.

“….I’m not surprised. You are the first and only Cybertronian I’ve tried to revive. My old mech prototypes fell apart, until that modified Thunderbolt jet came together.”

Starscream’s smirk grew.

Khyr holo tail feathers slowly curled around the once human drone network in front of khyr. The lack of belligerent debate was surprising but welcome. So different then from dealing with Megatron.

“Yes, you see the problem then.”

Their faceless visor recorded the hypnotic movement of khyr holo feathers.

“At least that works, eh? I got the holographic feathers down. That took a while.”

Starscream tsked. “Actually.”

Hexbolt’s helm dipped down.

“It’s missing a whole spectrum of color, in the UV range. Among others that don’t come naturally to your biological cameras.”

“…I see. I was guessing from old video and simulations ran on my network. You understand. The few surviving cybertronian appliances aren’t really interviewable.”

Starscream nodded. “Still impressive for a species with your limitations. But you know.” Kha said, airily.

“It’s limiting your communication opportunities. The missing range is a disability. Though….do you even need that to communicate with Soundwave?” Hexbolt’s helm looked straight up at Starscream, it bored into khyr, despite the younger network being half khyr size in that form.

Starscream scowled and khyr holo feathers flashed neon blue, the color of life, energon, and rage.

“No. Zir codeline didn’t rely on holographic displays for communication.”

The ex-Winglord reached out with a claw and gently tapped on the face-screen.

“This? They used.”

Hexbolt raised an arm and pushed away khyr claws as Starscream laughed softly.

Hexbolt straightened their back and looked straight up at Starscream, with that eerie blank face. Unlike Soundwave, they never displayed anything to the adult Cybertronians. Kha had only seen them display to other humans and khyr shared creations with Soundwave. 

“I’ll send you some textbooks on human consent and you send me what you need fixed. Display an understanding of human consent culture and I’ll start on your new improved form.”

Starscream’s optics shuttered.

Hexbolt continued, “Deal? Can’t be that hard, _Winglord_. Just some simple reading you need to get done, while I have to build a whole-”

Starscream scowled. “Please. While your work is quite admirable for your species, I’ll still be supervising and giving aid as needed.”

“Of course, such supervision and aid doesn’t need face tapping. Unless there’s some form of cultural meaning, I’m not aware of.” Hexbolt looked Starscream up and down. “Now get the fuck out of my workshop, unless you want to know why I survived the Autobot Purges.”

Starscream’s optics narrowed along with the glowing optics on their holographic feathers.

Khyr crest flattened against khyr helm, streaked with irritated grey. “This will be a fruitful venture, yes? I’m more then happy to let Soundwave know of your progress and emotional state.”

Hexbolt stiffened.

“Yes, ze will be quite pleased to know that you agreed to work with me on this.” Starscream smiled and slowly sauntered out of the workshop.

The door slid behind khyr as Hexbolt’s blank face screen recorded khyr.

-end-

Starscream looks like this:

[ ](https://64.media.tumblr.com/d7297fcc0ee021128c288be802b01365/66af04ffc166d624-c6/s1280x1920/30169e2c47375be6e7b56e0fba52aa182308dadf.png)


	3. A Birb and A Smoothie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which William Lennox gets confused by a smoothie, much to Laserbeak's amusement and Hexbolt's annoyance.

[ _Fic Tumblr and Ask/Rp blog_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

[ _Timeline Page_](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

\---

"Hex?"

"What?"

William Lennox stared.

To his knowledge, there was only two, TWO giant alien robots on base.

Ass plane and Hexbolt's....creepy giant mom thing.

Hexbolt's winged and tailed human replicant frame nonchalantly leaned against the....weird....purple drone thing that hovered next to them.

Hex casually waved at him with a shit-eating grin as they sipped at a smoothie.

The purple thing, all sharp jagged origami edges, happily warbled in greeting.

"Laserbeak says hi."

"....what, what do you have there, Hexbolt???"

"Oh this?" Hexbolt's human eyes flicked down to the smoothie in their hand and back to him. 

"Uh, it's a smoothie, Will. You've had these. It's mango flavored."

Origami Edges beeped sadly.

"Sorry, Laserbeak, these are for organics and organic replicants only."

Origami Edges chirped in annoyance and the red optics on its....face(?) flashed.

Hexbolt patted it. "Nope, sorry, can't hook you up to a replicant body."

Angry warble.

"Maybe when Soundwave's defrags for a month or longer?"

Skeptical trill and sad beeps.

Hexbolt sighed. "I know, I know, 'Wave isn't going to do that anytime soon."

Will watched both of them in confusion.

"Hex."

"What, I'm talking here!"

"Who is this?"

"Told you, already! Laserbeak already said hi." Hexbolt looked over to the drone, and it gave an annoyed chirp.

"Yeah, Will's being slow today, huh?"

Oy vey.

Will could feel his left eye twitching.

He was missing the days when Hexbolt slept for weeks.

"....is this another one of your adopted giant alien robot parents, Hex?"

Both drone and replicant laser-focused their attention on Will.

Hex's face curdled like they ate rotten milk while Origami Edges just had a very confused whirrr.

"Ugh, NO, NO. YOU DID NOT JUST SUGGEST THAT, NO!"

Hex stuck out their tongue and dragged their fingers down their face, while their wings clenched up.

"Laserbeak is my sibling! Kir is Soundwave and Starscream's sparkling!!!!"

"...wait....Wait." Will held up his hands. "You, telling me," he pointed to Origami Edges, "that one of the stasis pods hatched?"

Purple Thing gave a happy flap of its wings and spun around but gave a negative sounding warble.

Hexbolt's wings unclenched and relaxed, and their tail slowly swayed back and forth. "Uh, not exactly. Laserbeak got refueled and revived first, yeah, but kir is docked on Soundwave's chest."

Record scratch.

Will put his hands on his hips.

"Docked?" He said, one eyebrow raised.

"You know? Like how us humans wear babies???"

"Yes and....?" Will raised both eyebrows.

"Soundwave wears Laserbeak on zir chest. Built-in child carriage."

Huh. Interesting.

Will nodded.

Okay.

"Soooo these aliens have child care beyond just egg guarding then."

Hexbolt raised both wings. "Yeah, Soundwave wouldn't have adopted me and the others, otherwise??"

Will folded his arms.

"Last time, Soundwave explained it to me, compared it to why humans adopt hamsters. Small, adorable, intelligent, to a degree. Doesn't mean they automatically raise their own kids."

Hexbolt pinched their nose, rolled their eyes and looked up to the ceiling.

"Well, they do."

"Got it, I'll make sure to tell the Nerds on base to take good care of Laserbeak here then. Don't need Big Mama trying to deafen Greg again."

Laserbeak chirped in confusion. 

"Oh, what's a mom? Well, uh. Mom's are sort of like the muni and shinti mixed together? They grow the human offspring inside of them, along with the um, intelligence. Though, not everyone with a mom-build likes the term so they use other terms instead."

Edges warbled in confusion.

"Is Lennox a mom? Why not you ask him?" Hexbolt's voice was confused during the whole explanation, as thought they weren't sure they were translating Human into Alien and back properly.

"Wait, wait, wait." Will interrupted, both his hands creating a T sign for them to stop.

Both Edges and Hexbolt turned to look at him, with Laserbeak's happy warbles.

"The hell's a muni and shinti? "

Hexbolt groaned.

"Shinti's the one who kindle the energy body, you know the spark? The formal term is Scintilla while the Munidor, Muni for short, grows the frame and parts. Then pieces them together. Grossly simplified." Instead of the fond exasperation in Hexbolt's voice when talking to Edges, the Upload talked to Will in a more acrid tone.

Hexbolt put a hand on their hip with an annoyed swish of their tail. "Winglord Starscream sent you an email and everyone else on base explaining these things."

Huh.

That explained the twenty or so emails from asshole bird.

Ooops.

Hexbolt rolled their eyes. "Looks like I have to tell Starscream to quiz you." They smirked.

"You can't do this to me, Hex!"

Hexbolt just laughed.

Origami warbled, beeped, and chirped.

"Oh you want Will here to explain Humans to you? Sure. He's great with kids!"

Crap.

Did Hex-?

Hexbolt laughed and patted Origami Edges on the wing. "I have to go crunch more data and meet with the Winglord, have fun with Will!" And with that, Hexbolt spun on their heel and happily slurped down their smoothie and stalked off.

Hexbolt did.

The drone spun around and looked straight at Will.

Laserbeak flapped its wings and Warbled. Quite loudly .

He heard his phone beep in his pocket and pulled it out.

**[Hihihihihihihihihihihi! Hello, new friend! Are you my new pet? Sibling gave me your new number. Now I'm not alone! Other siblings in stasis. Teach me! Creators are busy!]**

This was going to be a long day.

\---

Muni and shinti are terms taken from [here](https://obfuscobble.tumblr.com/post/23813075922), but RS has its own spin on it.


	4. And Perish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Skywarp arrives and greets William Lennox. William Lennox Suffers. And Soundwave grieves.

[ _Fic Tumblr and Ask/Rp blog_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

[ _Timeline Page_](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

\---

Jesus lord christ on a fucking alien waffle.

There was another Cybertronian on base.

A big one too. It loafed in front of the hangar that held his own personal office and the worklabs of all the Eggheads. It's black face screen gleamed omniously and its wings were folded up, while its legs were tucked underneath like some kind of metal cat from space hell. What looked like the xenomech version of a tail rose up in interest at him.

The jackass plane, Starscream, was eugh god....was kha married to this one as well???? Starscream was nuzzling the face screen, which now displayed a ^_^ face. Ugh and the asshole plane's claws were....grooming between the new mech's neck plates, flicking dirt out of the seams.

The douche plane stopped mid-nuzzle to speak.

"Ah, Lennox, my favorite companion human. This is my trinemate and Amica, Skywarp." The twat then patted the new mech on the neck. And was that some kind of kiss? Jesus. Why...just why. Why was the jackoff plane considered some kind of romantic prospect??  
  
The faceless mech's screen switched over to O_W_O.

Oh.

Oh no.

He learned about this in history class. The early twenty first century memes of hewwo speak.

It never truly died, coming back every few decades to annoy a whole new generation.  
  
Starscream's wings flicked upward and khyr holofeathers raised.

Kha smirked, fangs glinting in the sun.

"Yes, Skywarp is very happy to meet you, Lennox. Sha's just got done downloading the language and meme packs." Kha sounded extremely smug.

Skywarp untucked its pedes, and rose on all fours. Sha strode over, lowering its massive neck and its face screen and helm vents to nos Lennox. Jesus, this thing really was like some kind of giant mechanical animal. Air rushed into the vents. Oh, oh dear gd, it was sniffing him.

Starscream, that asswipe, strode even closer. Hands on hips, holofeathers curling around Lennox. He took a step back and waved off the tail, it just curled around him tighter, to the point that his body cut through the shimmering holograms. "Skywarp, its polite on Earth to do a greeting."  
  
Skywarp lowered itself, facescreen staring deep into Lennox's soul, with the vague omnious O_W_O face.  
  
Dear lord.  
  
It spoke

“HEWWO MISTEW WENNOX. IT'S NWICE TO MWEET A NEW FWOCK MWEMBER, EWEN IF ITS A PWET."”  
  
Not only was the blasted creature speaking in owospeak, it was fucking loud, and called him a pet.  
  
Lennox stepped back.  
  
Maybe if it wasn't for Soundwave kidnapping Hexbolt, he wouldn't be here. For fuck's sake, that was the Upload's job!! Dealing with these fucking nutcases! Maybe he should just call Glen or Maggie or even Janet...  
  
”MISTEW WENNOX.”

  
”MISTEW WENNOX WHY AWENT YOU ANSWEWING ME.”  
  
  
Starscream, that fucking prick of an alien plane was laughing.  
  
"DID A CWAT GET YWOUR TWONGUE, MISTEWE WENNOX???" 

Dear lord, it knew what a cat was.  
  
"As you can see, Lennox, Skywarp here is very well informed on Earth wildlife and culture." The asswipe said with a cruel smile.

"MISTEW WENNOX, WAWN'T YOU PWOUD, I KWNOW YOUR WANGUAGE SO WELL???"  
  
He was going to kill Hexbolt. This was all Hexbolt's fault. If it wasn't for that insane Upload hellbent on reviving Starscream, none of this would be happening.  
  
Skywarp raised a claw...  
  
He was going to die.  
  
He was going to die by an insane xenomech that only spoke in hewwospeak.

A dead fucking zombie meme.  
  
"BWWWOOP." The claw gently pressed into his forehead.  
  
"STAWSCWEAM SAID THAT BWOOPING COMPANION ANIMALS IS CWUSTOM ON EARTH."  
  
Fuck this.  
  
Lennox turned and ran.  
  
Time to call in sick.  
  
This was Janet's problem now, that sick wannabe alien fucker.

\---

As Skywarp HEWWWWWWOOOOed the head organic of the NEST base, Soundwave kept tabs from the air.  
  
It was...oddly satisfying to see Starscream's chosen human turn and flee.For once, it wasn't zir that caused a human to flee. Even Hexbolt shunned zir most of the time, zir once adopted human torn between loyalty between humanity and the mech that had watched over them when everyone had abandoned them as a child.  
  
OWOspeak. That took zir back.  
  
It was when the meme was freshly created. Before the Autobots had started to forcefully kidnap and upload humans for their foul experiments. When alien mecha were a wary curiosity to humanity instead of something to be feared even centuries later.  
  
Human children would post HEWWWWWWO and uwu on zir posts and videos.  
  
It was an online dare, a game.  
  
Show the alien mech memes, see how ze reacted.  
  
It was amusing, sparkwarming even. Zir own little ones were trapped in stasis, the Nemesis Nesting Grounds hadn't been used in megavorns, the war had ground down flocks to the point that no one had chosen to create and if they did, it was cheaply built drones meant to be cannon fodder.  
  
It was....calming. To see little ones that hadn't experienced the endless smelter of war.  
  
A shame...for the Autobots to bring the war to this world.  
  
Ze had been meant to be a warning to humanity, to uncover the veil that the once-domesticated mecha was plunging over the organics' eyes.  
  
But that warning....it worked too well.  
  
Soundwave ex-vented at seeing Skywarp and Starscream laugh at seeing the fleeing human.  
  
Tch. At least someone still had an intact munidor partner.  
  
The nukes had dropped and ze was trapped mid-bridge. Unable to take Megatron to safety.  
  
As Skywarp remixed the HEWWWWWOOOOS for comic relief, all it did was remind zir of when Megatron was online, when the centuries old Hexbolt was an 11 year old going by K1ll_3_r _P1psq34k , and zir other adopted humans were still alive.  
  
All the other little ones who left the owospeak were now deceased, too much time had passed.  
  
"Lennox, no you can't call in sick just because Skywarp decided to greet you in an ancient meme." Soundwave tilted zir helm, as ze overheard Hexbolt speak to Lennox over the landline.  
  
"No, I didn't get kidnapped. Laserbeak needs a break from Soundwave, Jesus Christ, Lennox. Its pretty damn clear, you didn't grow up with overbearing parents."  
  
"I'm not skimping on dealing with these nutcases. Hanging with Laserbeak is very important fieldwork in xenobiology."  
  
"No, NO. Don't you dare leave Janet with Skywarp, the last thing I need is deal with the first interspecies sexual harassment suit."  
  
"HEWWWWWOOOOOOOOOO HWEXBOLT. " At this point, Starscream's human had jumped into the air as Skywarp had screamed into the outdoor phone behind him.  
"HEWWWWWWWOOOOOO SKYWARP." In the background of the phone call, Laserbeak warbled in a high pitch sound.  
  
"Have fun with Skywarp, Will!"  
  
Hexbolt hung up on the human with a staticky laugh and a happy warble with Laserbeak.  
  
At least Laserbeak was enjoying kirself.

\--

Skywarp looks like this btw:


	5. RP Blog Asks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Copypasted questions and answers about memes from the Rogue Seeker Ask/RP blog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to drop asks to the RS Crew.

[ _Fic Tumblr and Ask/Rp blog_ ](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

[ _Timeline Page_](https://rogue-seeker.tumblr.com/fan%20fic%20timeline)

\---

Q: Soundwave, what’s your favorite thing to do with your creations?

(meme: made by [@dunkingtruth](https://tmblr.co/mUD9_KmoNo8AoBH6VoSaxUw))

[photo ID: tfp soundwave with doom photoshopped onto his mask)

[Original Ask](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/638093745249796096/soundwave-whats-your-favorite-thing-to-do-with)

\---

Q: Soundywave, whats youw opinion on OwOspeak? Just cuwiouws

**A: [Enjoyed by deceased human creations.]**

[ **Original Ask** ](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/637529422233223168/soundywave-whats-youw-opinion-on-owospeak-just)

[ **\---** ](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/637529422233223168/soundywave-whats-youw-opinion-on-owospeak-just)

Q:Step on me, Warpy~

A: What is you humans and your weird mating calls? 

[Original Ask](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/637528018897780736/step-on-me-warpy)

\---

Q:Will you be teaching your long furby owospeak?

A: “I would.” But Soundwave stole the furbies for zir collection. “Took a look in there and there was….just…dead eyes. Creepy.” (Skywarp answered this.)

[Original Ask](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/638008109682622464/will-you-be-teaching-your-long-furby-owospeak)

\---

Q:Was the dress white and gold or blue and black?

A:

Skywarp groans at the question. Before sha was able to get free access to Earth and the NEST base, mandatory human culture lessons had to be downloaded and processed. One of which was ancient meme literacy.

“Neither! I process light different you from you humies. It’s a color that your languages don’t have a word for and your meat optics can’t see!”

[Original Ask](https://voidwingsprime.tumblr.com/post/638328265796452352/was-the-dress-white-and-gold-or-blue-and-black)

**Author's Note:**

> Fryders are from Bugsnax.


End file.
